Broken

Ever felt sick to the stomach from feeling so torn?
I know i have...I know that I am right now.
Breaking into pieces that continue to turn to dust and fly away to become one with the atmosphere.
Every day I seem to hurt on the inside, my eyes are becoming tired even though no tears are being cried. Things are getting too much these days, it might be because I'm not doing anything at home and each day is repetitive. but somehow i don't think it's really that, it's because i miss my friends, it's because my life is slowly cracking out to be another story that easily becomes brushed away in the old pages of humanity.
I know there are definitely people out there that are worse off than me, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to hurt. I'm only human after all.
But it's true, most of the times i just want to fall asleep and wake up when everything is okay again, or just not wake up at all.. Sometimes i just want to cry till i cant possible produce any more tears, sometimes i want to be able to scream and be heard from far away.
But I cant.
My emotions have learned to stay bottled up in this carcass that is my body. It's hard to even talk about how I feel because i always feel self centred or like I'm trying to sound important. Reason I hate talking about myself to others yet when I'm blogging like this its always about me and how I fucking feel. It's so pathetic, i hate myself. even though I've started to like myself there will always be the hatred deep down that eventually arises again.
I don't really know the point in this blog.. I guess I just want an escape..I want to feel numb, I want to lie in a field with the breeze brushing my cheeks..feeling the grass between my toes and fingers...eyes closed..not a care in the world..
Yet, that's just so fucking much to ask for. Life is hard..and its starting to get to me.
I want to feel free, someone to gather the dust..turn them back into pieces..put the light back into my heart...show me the way..

Till then, i'll be forever lost.